Sunday, August 08, 2004

Water droplets, torrents dropping

The war of the heart has taken yet another casualty so many souls dead, so many hearts laid to rest against the coils of finality. A reality that takes every intrusion and avoids no agony. Here is a puddle of pain, here is a puddle of tears, step on it and like a land mine off it goes penetrating every blood vessel, like sand into a pit, like spiders licking their victims to cozy them into a stupor.

Once you are in this quandary a hospice is no longer cheap to anywhere stay, everywhere there is a toll, everywhere the darkness lurks and appears soon as it sees the light to mutilate joy, to destroy fear by securing anguish, by hugging one as a lover, only it is pain.

And why I a soldier, why I must bare it all, an eternity spent here, at the hospital, in the hurt of her wound, killing every sexual organ, destroying every attraction, only to love the hurt, only to seek to leave them all, to abandon every desire, no, to end all other desire, to fake all attraction, to destroy every sexual organ.

After walking away from another dying soldier, a soldier somewhat kind and some what weak, I stormed into a palace in full armor, full of empty amor. I demanded a bath, I was led into the bathhouse, where gold and marble were abundant. I entered deep into blue waters, cleansing my body of all the killings so that I could start afresh to kill again.

Then a step, then another, away from the warmth of the water and into the arms of satin sheets that soon rendered me into a deep of sleep. There with the satin I remember eating fruits, fruits that canned food had made alien, fruits that my mouth could no longer taste, for the mud and the leeches, that had found refuge in me from the reddish river current, had numbed the palate into sleep or yet another death of death’s of many deaths.

In my sleep I saw the sky of day, the lucent brilliant sky that smoke from the many fires raging, some raging to save me from my enemy, some burning to burn me like my enemy, fires hidden day. We used the fire to assist us in making more victims and in sending more signals, warning signals that were significant more for their ability to disappear sun and appear us.

In my sleep under the satin sheets I saw her just as if she were before me, there in the warmth of the bath, in our bed, in our arms her secrets. Her eyes radiant, her smile, her smile made me cry from joy. I reached to touch her supplicating flesh, but my hand was not disturbed, I reached further to reach her but my fingers awakened to a crawling cockroach. I awoke more and more in raging madness and slaughtered the guard and jaguar that had been my host but for a day.

My eyes reddish, cheekbones clenching skull flesh, eyeballs piercing every corner, running through this majestic palace, architectural harbor for the pain and wonder, I hunting again, to destroy this self, this love and lover, or to destroy the world. The world!

After much destruction, releasing souls everywhere I went, fuming their extinction, roasting guts and stones, to keep alive, to stay awake, to ring the drums, to kick the mass, to extinguish the eternal flame. Water droplets, torrents dropping, failing waterfalls. I walked for weeks and months and years, and the desert only grew.

It all takes time I told myself, there is an end, there is an end! And with my fist I applauded the ferocity of my will, with my fist I clenched and choked the lizard, the serpent, and the piano. I don’t know what a piano is but I with fist keep playing her.

And why my dear the flames drew near, each more and more my twin, each more and more my bed mate, and more and more my dying breath.